keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY
One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice Mormon lady handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

keepmywhiskeyneat:

TRUE STORY

One morning, I was awakened by a knock at the door. I rolled out of bed, threw a blanket over my shoulder because it was cold, and made my way to the front of the house. I opened the door and a very nice Mormon lady handed me a pamphlet and launched in to a well-rehearsed spiel about accepting jesus in to my life when she stopped mid sentence and gave me a peculiar look. I used this pause in her speech to politely decline her offer and wish her a pleasant morning. It wasn’t until I looked at what she handed me that I understood why I stopped her in her tracks and then proceeded to laugh for the next half hour by myself.

(via derekhalesprayercircle)

yourroyalpenis:

gaezedkriel:

keylimepie:

accountant-in-a-can:

punkrockluna:

bubblegum-momoi-satsuki:

gouthesupermanager:

flameoflight:

well-metaphoricallyspeaking:

heruut:

i-aint-even-bovvered:

songofages:

Heartbreaking Simpsons Moments 1/∞: Bart Gets an F

I never understood why it’s an F if he gets more than half out of 100? Unless it’s more than 100. If you get more than half the answers right how is it an F?

You must not be from America. Here, grading is fucked up.

Average American Grading Scale:
A+- 97-100
A - 94-96
A- - 90-93
B- 80-89
C- 70-79
D- 60-69
F- 59 and under

And in some places in America it goes by a 7 point scale, so it’d be
A - 100-93
B - 92-85
C - 84-78
D - 77-70
F - 69 and below

Now you understand why American kid’s feel like there’s no point to school. If you have a 100 question text, and get 79 of them correct, that’s a C. That mean’s your Average Intelligence on this particular subject. And it get’s even worse when you have only like… a 10 question quiz. If you get two wrong? that’s a B. 80 fucking %. Now tell me again why American school’s are easier? 

No wait but whats the grading system in other countries?

UK Grading Scale

100-70: A

69-60: B

59-50: C

49-40: D

Below 40: F

next time you try to tell americans that we’re stupid

i’m gonna remind you

that our “average” is your “A”

Yep I was shocked when I heard this in a different post but a Google search pulls up a ton of sites backing this up.
Shit son I woulda passed College Algebra with an A in the UK. And I spent the end of the semester in perpetual fear that I would fail and have to retake the class.

And basically as an American you’re expected to get 80 or higher. Technically 70s are considered ‘average’ but there is such a level of pressure to get a B or higher, that Cs have become equal to Ds. Basically anything under 60 you might as well gotten a 0, and anything between 60-80 is considered practically failing. So basically schools have to be designed to make sure majority of students are getting 80s or higher on specific topics, which means you’re spending all your time going over a few choice facts a billion times and there is very little room to teach anything else. Which explains why American schools are of such low quality. The insane demand on the students ends up wrecking their education. Not only do you not have time to teach them anything, but they end up hating learning. Even outside of school your life is dedicated to memorizing these few dumb facts because your homework ends up taking hours of your time. A teacher from one subject says they expect you to spend 2 hours every night on their homework. And if you’re studying 5 subjects and they all demand that 2 hours? Good fucking luck, because if you don’t have straight all 80s or higher you’re not getting into a good college and college degrees have somehow become the minimum requirement for getting jobs.

I spent most of my junior year of high school in a state of constant panic that I was going to get a C in Honors Physics much less fail the class. If I got a C on my report card, I was grounded until the next one. I lost count of the times I’d wake up at five in the morning to take the early bus to go in for zero hour before school actually started for the day

File this under the exact reason so many Americans detest going to school.

(Source: tendads, via crumbier)

school grades simpsons

bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:

Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.

Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.

At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.

A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.

The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

(via kittycommander)

OMG i found mah berries berries

strudelactivist:

semperfiandsemperfortis:

we-got-dods-here:

siouxzie-queue:

mi-shellvp:

estasfuera:

“A little bit of Monica in my life,A little bit of Erica by my side,A little bit of Rita is all I need,A little bit of Tina is what I see,A little bit of Sandra in the sun,A little bit of Mary all night long,A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”

If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me. 

You know you sang it in your head.

OMG yes!

I sang it in my head holy shit

how long did this take

strudelactivist:

semperfiandsemperfortis:

we-got-dods-here:

siouxzie-queue:

mi-shellvp:

estasfuera:

“A little bit of Monica in my life,
A little bit of Erica by my side,
A little bit of Rita is all I need,
A little bit of Tina is what I see,
A little bit of Sandra in the sun,
A little bit of Mary all night long,
A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”

If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me. 

You know you sang it in your head.

OMG yes!

I sang it in my head holy shit

how long did this take

(via kittycommander)

dangervvank:

"what music are you into?"
"i like this! it’s very grown up…"

(via kittycommander)

vid

yoshio-yoshida:

Oh my god youre straight? I had no idea. You seem normal to me. Did you know that Sara is straight to? You two should totally hook up. I cant believe youre straight. You could be my straight best friend. We could go to football games together. Itll be so much fun. So like how long have you been straight? Youre whole life!? No way.

(via ven0moth)